Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
