like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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