he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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