So drunk its hurt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm bleeding and have questions
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
