Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
