It's Friday. Sex?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
