? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Text me some of your sweat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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