The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
