Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
