She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
