I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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