She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
