I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
