I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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