I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
