I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
