if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We have started to decorate penises.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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