Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
