Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
