this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
