I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
