he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
