Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
