Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
