9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
