I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
