She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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