The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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