i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I FOUND THE LEGS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
