Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
home. puking in laundry basket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize