im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
