oh god the rape fog is back!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This house was built for laser tag.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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