My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
