Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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