My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
