I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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