i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
