Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
