Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
