I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
