kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
