my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
