I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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