That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
