I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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