my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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