She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
