Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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