We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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