She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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