I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
