my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
