I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
