New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
