i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
