I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
