I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
