How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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