trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
