nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
