He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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