PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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