I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
