worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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