Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
