I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
