I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
