I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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