Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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