So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
