I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
