haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
