I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
