We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
