im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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