So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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