Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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